today was one of my bad days.
I lowercased all of that because thats my mood right now, lowercase, sad, gloomy, uninspired.
I think I’ve mentioned before that I have depression. If I haven’t mentioned it then I will now. I have depression.
I have good days and bad days. I’m on medication and I do have more good days then bad days now, but today is a bad day.
My ratio of bad days are like 1:30 days a month. So only really one bad day every once in a while.
But unfortunately today is that day.
And what sucks the most is I knew it was going to happen, I sensed it last night before I went to bed. I felt the black dog coming closer to me. (I like to describe depression as a scary black dangerous dog.)
I tried everything too.
I went to church.
I got coffee.
I did my hair.
I looked cute.
I played with makeup.
So here I am, blogging. And it’s kind of helping. I feel like I’m actually talking to a friend. You guys are my friends by the way. All 51 of you are the bomb. Thanks for being my friend, all by choice.
But I did make a video today and I wanted to share it with you!
Here is the link!
I don’t have a professional camera, and whatnot so don’t judge the quality.
Actually, don’t judge in general. It’s rude and nothing but heartbreaking for the person who is being judged.
I took this from tumblr:
Do you think God ever gets sad? Like, “What do you mean, you don’t love yourself? I worked so hard on you….”
I think He does. I know He worked on me and I am His, but I think He also knows that I can’t help this feeling right now.
I’m learning to love myself. Just not today.