Dear You,

“I’m not where I need to be, but thank God I’m not where I used to be.”

I wanted to talk to you guys. I don’t have anything specific to talk about though. So here is my absolutely random blog post.

Dear you,

I hope your day was well. If it wasn’t, I hope you give tomorrow a shot at being a good day.

Do you ever just feel “eh”?

That’s how I feel today. It wasn’t a bad day, not even close, but I just feel “eh”.

(that could just be my enemy, Mr. Depression talking.)

Since I was feeling “eh”, I took myself out for ice cream. Which is a big deal in my mind. Friday night date night, party of one.

I’d keep talking about my ice cream, but I want to tell you guys about school now, so I’m changing the topic.

I love school. I love being there, I love learning, I love almost dozing off to the boring video tutorials we have to watch in class. Everything about the cosmetology craft is amazing to me.

My favorite things to do are mens cutting and blow-dries. Mens cutting is such an art. and Blow drying is the finishing touch to a beautiful new look.

I just love it.

When my ex jumped on a plane, moved to Colorado, and texted me that he didn’t love me anymore. I feel in love with myself. I didn’t really realize that I had put so much effort into loving him that I lost myself in the process.

It took me losing him to find myself.

You know who I also found again? God. Not that I ever lost him. You really can’t lose something when it’s everywhere you look, but I found God again for myself, intimately. How quick do we forget how awesome it is to have God on speed dial.

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He rocks.

You rock.

That’s all she wrote.

Love you.

A boy called me fat.

First of all before I dive into this post I’d just like to say that the boys of Grand Rapids, Michigan suck.

I went on a date last night. It was going fine but I couldn’t help but notice that he wasn’t very talkative and he wouldn’t look at me. I just thought he was a quiet person or something.

Nope.

He’s just an ass. There is no other word to describe him.

I wake up to a text this morning and it says “you were bigger than I was expecting, why did you hide that?”

I responded by saying “and you’re a much bigger ass than I was expecting, why did you hide that from me?”

there will not be a second date.

I know boys don’t defy your self worth and all that, but it sucks.

I knew I had gain some weight since starting school, but I didn’t realize It was so bad that I would be judged for it.

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As if I didn’t hate myself enough. Thank you, sir, I’m glad you felt like it was your civil duty to make me feel like complete and utter shit. It means a lot. As if I didn’t already have depression, and let things get to me easily.

Sorry guys, I had to vent.

19 Things I learned at 19

So my birthday is in 10 days! Hello 20’s. Apparently being in your 20’s is the best. I don’t know for sure, though, I have never been in my 20’s.

I wanted to share with you 19 things that I learned this past year.

Although I don’t know much, here’s what I do know.

1. Until God opens the next door for you, praise Him in the hallway.

– Sometimes it feels like life is on hold for a second, but that doesn’t mean He isn’t working on you. He knows what He’s doing way better than we do. Trust Him.

2. It’s okay to jump into something wholeheartedly, that may defy all logic.

– There is going to be a time when you know your heart has to do something, do it. It may confuse people, but the people that matter will stick around regardless.

3. (Piggybacking off the last sentence) The people that stick around in your life when your life is in shambles, are the people that matter. Make sure they know you love them to no end.

4. Boys are dumb.

5. Girls might be dumber.

6. That saying “You never truly fall out of love with someone, either you still are in love, or you never really loved them.” is bullshit.

– You’re allowed to grow. Wish them much love and happiness, and gtfo (sorry!) of their lives. It’s okay to cut off ties, and feelings.

7. You can’t chose your family.

– You’re stuck with the oversensitive mom, perfect at everything brother, and train wreck older cousins.

8. If a boy tells you, you aren’t (serious enough, goofy enough, worry too much, care too much, etc.)… leave.

– Your prince is on a different nobel steed. It may hurt to leave, but you don’t need to be anything but your silly, worrywart, sensitive self. You don’t owe them any explanation.

9. Growing up really is what its all cracked up to be. It also isn’t.

– It’s life, sometimes it’s raining sunshine and lollipops, sometimes we’re taking a ride on the hot-mess express.

10. Sleeping like a starfish on the bed is the most comfortable way to sleep.

11. Keep your house clean.

– I didn’t learn this until I moved out, but it’s so frustrating to come home to a mess, with only yourself to blame.

12. You can move on from a heartbreak anyway you want.

– cry, drink (be safe), date, sleep, go to the gym, eat. However you need to repair your heart is okay.

13. God made me for His amusement.

– He loves me, and He would never give me something I can’t handle WITH Him. But… The day He made me He laughed, shook his head, and put just an extra smidgin of silliness in me.

14. Episome salt cures everything.

– Cramps? But it in your bath. Rough skin? Combine with lotion and lightly scrub.

15. It’s okay to be nerdy about your passion.

16. It’s a phone not a handcuff.

– It’s okay to not answer, or step away from it.

17. Don’t live the same year 77 times and call that a life.

– Do fun things, adventurous things, relaxing things, silly things. Live.

18. Your mom isn’t your worst enemy.

– She may drive you crazy and you may question her own sanity, but she’s your mom. Love her for who she is.

19. No one knows what they’re doing.