Today I’m not a badass.

So I know most days I’m this fearless, outspoken, queen of Grand Rapids, but today I just can’t be.

Guys, you totally know I’m kidding.

Although I love myself, I do not have this mentality about myself.

I hope you get what I mean though. Like most days I wake up and I’m like “okay, self, lets do this”, then I cue the Beyoncé and “do this” as I wrote.

But today, today is not one of those days.

Today is a day that I missed my bed before I even left it.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotions lately and I don’t know why. Seriously, no more than 10 minutes ago I was in my bathtub crying. Why, you may ask. Well, because I’m a girl and I felt like I needed to cry, so I did.

I also have to admit that I’ve been seriously lacking in being a Godly woman these days. The feeling I have been dealing with the most lately is regret.

I know I’m a normal 20 year old girl, and many of us all deal with the same temptations, but before I’m a 20 year old girl, I am a child of God.

I know I can go to Him for anything, because He loves me, and views me as if walk on water, but I just feel bad.

Like what am I going to say, “Hey Big Guy, I know its been awhile, but (insert poor excuses here).

I know I just need to ask for forgiveness and I’ll be forgiven but let’s be honest, it’s not that easy in the mortal world.

It’s way easier to just sulk, feel bad, eat too much, cry, and pity ourselves, than tell the creator of the universe that you messed up. In my mind I’m thinking “Hey God, I know you say my body is a temple, but lately I’ve been treating it like a trash can.”

 THAT’S GOING TO BREAK GOD’S HEART, AND I DON’T WANT TO BREAK GOD’S HEART.

Disappointing the most important relationship in my life, blows.

I know He loves me, don’t think I’m questioning that. I’m just sad to have to go to Him and apologize for self abuse.

So if any of you guys have any advice on what to do, let me know.

I love you!

Sincerely,

Me.

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2 thoughts on “Today I’m not a badass.

  1. Yes, you are a child of God, first and foremost. God forgives always but God also requires repentance which means we change our ways. There isn’t anything we can’t conquer WITH GOD”S HELP. It starts with a sincere and repentant heart. After that’s it’s living a live that is holy. A holy life is one that honors God with our words, our behavior, and our attitudes. We gain that strength through daily Bible study and prayer. Start there and you’ll be fine.

    Like

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