I’ll figure it out

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I am 20 and a half and I do not wish to have all the answers right now, if ever.

Just because I’m trying to figure out some things in my life, doesn’t mean I’m looking for comments or opinions on how I should or shouldn’t go about things.

I will figure it out on my own.

I am 20.

I do not have an older sibling who got to show me the way, one to be the guinea pig, and learn from their mistakes. In fact, I am the sibling that my sibling got to learn from. I get to be the guinea pig.

Which is fine, I do not mind playing the roll of the “rebellious, black sheep, learn the hard way,” child. I think when you’re the oldest you just come to terms with the fact that you have to teach yourself how to do certain things, and your baby siblings look like prized positions while you… don’t.

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My little brother is 17 and has multiple full ride scholarship offers. He is smart, athletic, 6’2″, “cool” (he’s cool to the other awkward 17 year olds in high school, and to himself I’m sure), and can do no wrong in my family’s eye.

It’s funny how we come from the exact same blood, but are two completely different people.

I was average in high school, by no means were full rides knocking on my door. I golfed in high school, but only to get out of gym class. I am 5’2″, and in high school I had friends, but I wasn’t “super hip.” And of course, I’m always being yelled at for something by someone in my family.

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Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t be more proud of my little sibling. He is amazingly smart, and I can’t wait to see where he goes in life. I am his biggest fan and will always have that kids back.

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I’m not saying everything changed for me when I got out of high school and into the real world, but…. everything changed for me when I got out of high school and into the real world.

You start to develop your own opinions, and sometimes those opinions differ from your parents. And that is a-okay. You’re allowed to become your own person; however, sometimes becoming your own person requires a lot of annoying lectures from people who tell you they know best.

I’ve yet to figure out how to handle annoying, unwanted lectures nicely, and without rolling my eyes.

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Families are amazing and I love mine to no end. I’m just frustrated with everyones input 24/7.

This week I finally made the decision to go to therapy. Now don’t applaud me yet, I’m only going so my family will stop telling me “you should go to therapy,” every other second.

I have nothing against therapy, in fact, I’m actually open to the idea of liking it, and I’m starting to look forward to my first appointment. The idea of having a complete stranger listen to my problems, and then insurance pays for it, sounds nice.

I just wish people would stop telling me how to do every single move I make. Seriously, three people texted me today about what I should talk about in therapy, or something along those lines.

But I’m learning, I’m learning when to just give in, save an argument, and go with what my family wants, and when to stick to my guns and trust myself.

I don’t know what the point of this post was, or if there even was a post.

I think I just wanted to vent, maybe that’s a sign that therapy will be the bomb.

…. that’s it. Have a good night.

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One thought on “I’ll figure it out

  1. I’ve felt exactly the same, and sometimes I’m harsh on myself for not knowing what I want to do. But I’ve realised most people our age don’t have a clue, even my friends who have gone to uni! So now I try and enjoy the present, to live in the now, I’ll never be 20 and a half again 😉and it’s ok to make mistakes as long as we learn from them!

    Liked by 1 person

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