This is for me

“I forgive you. Not for you, but for me. Because like chains shackling me to the past I will no longer pollute my heart with bitterness, fear, distrust, or anger. I forgive you because hate is just another way of holding on, and you don’t belong here anymore”

-Beau Taplin

On and off for five years. But now it’s done. My heart is calm, and relaxed, I’m thankful, and I’m optimistic.

I’m not thankful in a “I’m glad he’s gone, he was the scum of the earth, good riddance,” type of way. More so a “I can’t do this up and down emotional rollercoaster, I know it has to end, I love you…goodbye” type of way.

It’s not that we didn’t love one another, it’s that we didn’t love one another the way someone deserved to be loved. It was too unsure, and so we had to say goodbye.

This post isn’t really for any reason, it’s more so for my heart. So I can get the words I need to say out in the open.

I loved him. I loved him with my whole heart. But overtime the things he did to my heart took a toll. People always said “you get to a point where you’ve had enough.” I never thought I’d get to that point though. But one day as he was belittling me on the phone telling me how horrible I was something clicked. Honestly, when I say something clicked I mean, something seriously went “click” in my head. I sat there and thought “why the heck am I letting this guy take one more second of my time” and I hung up, and we never talked again. Five years gone, just like that.

I was going to write “I guess that’s when I realized he wasn’t as amazing as I thought he was,” but that’s incorrect. I’m not bitter, and I’m not going to disrespect him like that. For five years I thought he was that amazing.

I do think I’m ready to date again, and that makes me excited. The past doesn’t interest me anymore.

I really loved him, I’ll never deny the fact that He was my favorite person for a very long time.  But often loving him was hard. It was tiring. It was it was lonely. I’m excited to find someone who reminds me that love is hard, but not that hard.

 

Dear Him,

I loved you. You gave me some of the happiest memories of my teenage years. Thank you. Thank you for loving me the only way you knew how. I loved you from the moment I saw you at 15 years old, and I continued to love you until I was 21. Thank you for helping me grow into the person I am today.

I wish you so much joy in life. I hope you follow your dreams, and that you wake up every day knowing you have a purpose here on this earth. You’re worthy, you’re lovely, and you’re wonderful.

Thank you for showing me what love is, and what love isn’t. Thank you, thank you so much for everything, from the first time we said “hello” to the last time we said “goodbye.” Thank you for the memories.

I loved you, and thank you for loving me for the time that you did.

 

Love,

me.

 

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OMG here I am again!

Look at me go… 2 days in a row.

And look at the rhyme…. I should be a rapper in no time.

Okay, I’m done.

I have done nothing but cooked lately, and I love it!

So far today I’ve made:

  • French Toast
  • French Fries
  • Spaghetti Squash
  • Apple Sauce
  • Pumpkin Purée
  • Pumpkin Bread
  • Cinnamon Pumpkin Seeds

I really wish I had a reason for all this, but I don’t.

Actually, here’s my reason: I wanted to.

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And you know what makes me even happier? I used the recipes as guidelines and I mainly went with the flow.

Now if you’re cooking for someone important, i.e. Beyoncé, please follow a recipe. Unless you’re Julia Child or something, then do your own thing. But if you’re just cooking at home for yourself or people you really know, go ahead and go with the flow. If the people truly love you they won’t mind… that much.

I really have been enjoying this new found love of cooking.

P.S

All I did for the pumpkin purée was get a small baby pumpkin (those ones that are like 5×5)  cut it in half, gut it, cut it into fifths, place in a baking sheet, put in oven at 350º for 40 minutes, then I blended it with water (add a little water at a time, and I can’t give an amount because once again I didn’t measure)

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Here’s the thing

I am the worlds worst blogger.

I have had nothing to blog about, so I haven’t.

I still don’t have anything to blog about, but here I am… attempting.

Nothing much has happened lately, and nothing exciting will probably happen tomorrow either.

This seems like a very negative blog post so we’ll cheer it up.

I’ve made a discovery… here it is… Trader Joe’s is the best place ever. Because I’ve recently discovered Trader Joes, I’ve rediscovered that cooking is fun and cheaper.

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I wanted to share twoHave you  new recipes that I’ve enjoyed lately.

“Cereal”

  1. Sliced Almonds
  2. coconut milk
  3. rasperries
  4. sliced banana

I’d give portion sizes but I don’t uses portion sizes… I’d say about a cup of almonds. 3/4 cup. Go crazy with the raspberries and bananas… I do.

“Stir Fry”

  1. Trader Joe’s Stir Fry Mix.
  2. 1 Cup riced cauliflower

I like to cook them separately. I sauté the stir fry mix in olive oil, and I cook the cauliflower in vegetable broth.

I’m horrible at writing recipes, oh well.

Are you guys watching the debate? That’s what is on right now.

I hope you’re educating yourself… as best as you can with these two.

Pray for our country, it needs it.

Have a lovely night!

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