I’m just going to say it; I got scared to blog. I hadn’t blogged in a while and because of that I got nervous to blog again. Does this happen to you guys? I hope I’m not the only one who does this. It’s almost like a bad relationship… on again, off again, on again, off again…
But if you’ve ever read any of my previous posts, you would know that apparently I’m good at on again and off again relationships.
That was me making fun of myself… and no this is not me saying I got back together with my awful ex.
I told you guys I was done, and I meant it.
I’ve done a lot of growing in this past year. I think thats what you’re supposed to do when you’re 21.
Life is supposed to be a constant whirl wind… and thats what it’s been.
Brace yourself for all this:
So since January this is all that has happened: I quit my job, I moved back into my parents house, I got a new job (the same day I moved), met a boy, got my heart broken by that boy, moved on, had too much fun with friends, got refocused on my goals, had more too much fun with my friends, and my dearly loved, and admired great grandmother passed away.
My next blog post will be about my life, however; this post is a letter to her.
I’m going to state the obvious… I miss you.
I’d pay lots of money to hear you laugh one more time. Although you’d tell me not to spend my money on something like that.
Grandma, you were a good one to me. You always accepted me for who I was, and you always cheered me on for who I am becoming. You and I became close at a fairly sad and confusing time in my life. (The exact same time I started this blog)
Of course I loved you long before two years ago. I have countless memories of you when I was little. However from middle school through high school I wasn’t around as much, and that’s my fault. If I could go back in time and tell myself one thing it would be to spend more time with you.
I love the memories I have of you growing up, they’re special to me. It’s just that the past two and a half years really rocked with you consistently in my life. I discovered a lot about myself with your help… you probably never even realized it. I want to thank you for teaching me how to be strong-willed, and not to let people take advantage of my niceness.
A few days ago a guy was being rather rude to me. Normally I’d be the pathetic girl who would let him be mean, and then try to make it better again. Not this time. The very first thing that went through my head was, “my grandma would hate that I was letting someone be mean to me… she’d be so upset.” So I didn’t stand for it for one more second, and out the door the potential of that relationship went.
Thank you, Grandma. Thank you for helping me realize I deserve people being kind to me, and that I am a strong woman.
Grandma, I’m going to miss you for a long while. I was hoping I had found “the one” before you passed. But you help me find myself before you passed, and thats more important.
I’m so thankful you were in my life. I’m so thankful that you’re going to continue to be in my life. My strong-willed, humorous, thoughtful, personality are characteristics of you. That is how you are going to live on to me. You gave me pieces of you, and I am thankful.
I love you, Grandma. I miss you. I’ll talk to you soon.