Prayer

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You know that quote; “All I need is a little bit of coffee, and a whole lotta Jesus”?

Well, it’s false. I just need Jesus.

If I’m being honest, which I am, my prayer life is poor. I am the Christian who goes to God when I have a problem.

Corrie ten Boom asked; “is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?” Unfortunately I don’t even think prayer is my spare tire. I think it’s an old flat tire I have out in the shed somewhere covered in dust.

Then I realized that the only reason that my prayer life is bad is because I let it get this way. It isn’t like I sit down to pray and God says “hold on Selina, John Smith in Timbuktu’s issue is more important than yours, come back later.”

He’s not doing that. In fact He’s the one waiting patiently for me to come to Him and I’m the one saying “hold on God, I’m too tired, I’m too busy, I’ll pray tomorrow, come back later.”

Guess who keeps showing up to talk to me… guess who keeps giving Him excuses…a8610cc9ce77ed2866be58f8d03bec2f.jpg

I’m fixing that though. I’m 100% determined to become the woman He created me to be. I don’t know who that is yet, but I know it’s better than whatever it is that I’m trying to do.

Everything seems so small once I talk to Him.

I’m going to throw it back to Sunday School by saying this. but He really does have the whole world in His hands.

I can’t say that I have an exact step by step plan on how I’m going to fix my relationship with God, but hey welcome to the whole point of this blog. I’m just one big “I’m not sure but I’m going to try.”

I do know that I’m going to start with prayer, and that’s all I know for now.

I can guarantee you my prayers are not going to be beautiful and poetic, those types of prayers are nice but they don’t speak from my heart. Big and fancy words are also not something I’m going to be throwing in there. I think my prayers are more like a conversation with Him, which is kind of how I like it. Considering I’m determined to let God become my new best friend.

I have hope in this new journey I’m taking.

That’s all I’ve got.

If you’re still reading this babble, Thank you, I love you, and have a lovely night.

 

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Please Pray Today

If for some reason you haven’t heard, Paris is under attack. Many are dead and there are still many people being held hostage by these terrorists.

My heart is extremely sad to hear about what is going on in that beautiful country.

Parisians get a bad rep. by Americans for being snooty, or mean. However the people that say that are delusional and most likely they’re the mean ones. The two weeks I spent traveling that beautiful country, I never once thought that they were anything other than amazing.

I really like to think that this world is beautiful and good. However when things like this happen, its hard to see that. I hope France comes out stronger and united after this catastrophic event.

Please pray for that beautiful country, and if you have someone over there just know the whole world is praying for them tonight. God is there, even though it’s hard to see.

There is a significant amount of evil in this world, and today reminded us of that fact.

I hope you all put France at the top of your prayer list tonight.

Hold your family tight tonight, hug them, tell them you love them, be kind to one another,  because this world can be such an awful ugly place sometimes.

I love you guys,

God bless,

Selina

Voting: Warning this is a rant and may upset a few.

I hope you find this post informational, and a touch humorous

                                                                                                     

54% of people from ages 18-31 are registered to vote. FIFTY-FOUR. That makes me so mad. It very well may be even less than that, some websites gave percentages in the 30’s.

I am so sick of people around my age (18-25) saying things like “I hate politics” “I don’t care who runs my country” “Whatever” etc…

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I am over my age group being afraid to have an opinion on something, and not standing up for what they believe in.

It just ticks me off.

I am not saying you have to go out and claim to be a republican, liberal, or democrat, but I do think you should be educated on these things.

Having the right to vote is such an honor. Millions of people fought for the right to vote for years. Did 46% of people my age not take 9th grade civics? Do they not know what the 15th, 19th,and 26th amendments are? People fought so hard for this right and now some are too busy playing NBA 2K15, and watching the Kardashians to even care.

I freaking love playing 2k and I love the Kardashians (Ps they come back on tonight at 9!)

But I don’t find either one of these things to be more important than taking the time to educate myself.

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It just makes me so sad.

I’m not asking people to believe what I believe, and frankly I am still trying to figure out where I stand on some topics. We could completely disagree on abortion, gay marriage, immigration, planned parenthood, religion, what to do with Russia right now; but for goodness sakes, take a stand for something!

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My age group is wasting their human rights in the United States. Do they not realize how awesome it is that we get the right to vote for who we want to run our country? Even if the person we wanted didn’t get elected, we got to put our voices out there and be heard.

So many countries don’t let their people have this privilege.

I really encourage people to watch the debates, they’re on youtube if you missed them. There is also a debate on October 13th.

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They don’t even have to do anything! They just have to grab their beer, eat their potato chips, and sit on their ass for a few hours and learn something.

I’m not saying I’ve been all “go voting” since the day I was born, I didn’t really pay attention until I actually was of legal age to vote.

I also know that voting is a “right” and not a “duty” but it’s a right that we shouldn’t take for granted.

PS.

As a Christian, the bible informs me that I am supposed to vote, so that’s why I vote, and thats why I take the time to educate myself.

The first debate I ever watched, I had to google so many things, but thats okay.

I’m kinda sorry if this offended anybody, but at the same time I am not, voting is important, and something I firmly believe we should all be doing.

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I love you guys, despite our differences in beliefs,

have a beautiful day.

One more thing: If for some reason you don’t vote this year, don’t you dare complain for the next four.

Real Quick

Hey guys!

I hope you’re all doing great!

I just wanted to hop on here quickly and share something with you.

There is this lady out in the world and God is working magic through her.

She is a pastor.

Her usernames for social media is RealTalkKim.

Have you heard of the app Periscope? Its really cool. Most nights she gets on and preaches.

Its a live feed and super cool.

You should check it out!

It’s a fun little app.

*this isn’t a promotional or anything, I really just wanted you guys to know about it.*

Today I’m not a badass.

So I know most days I’m this fearless, outspoken, queen of Grand Rapids, but today I just can’t be.

Guys, you totally know I’m kidding.

Although I love myself, I do not have this mentality about myself.

I hope you get what I mean though. Like most days I wake up and I’m like “okay, self, lets do this”, then I cue the Beyoncé and “do this” as I wrote.

But today, today is not one of those days.

Today is a day that I missed my bed before I even left it.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotions lately and I don’t know why. Seriously, no more than 10 minutes ago I was in my bathtub crying. Why, you may ask. Well, because I’m a girl and I felt like I needed to cry, so I did.

I also have to admit that I’ve been seriously lacking in being a Godly woman these days. The feeling I have been dealing with the most lately is regret.

I know I’m a normal 20 year old girl, and many of us all deal with the same temptations, but before I’m a 20 year old girl, I am a child of God.

I know I can go to Him for anything, because He loves me, and views me as if walk on water, but I just feel bad.

Like what am I going to say, “Hey Big Guy, I know its been awhile, but (insert poor excuses here).

I know I just need to ask for forgiveness and I’ll be forgiven but let’s be honest, it’s not that easy in the mortal world.

It’s way easier to just sulk, feel bad, eat too much, cry, and pity ourselves, than tell the creator of the universe that you messed up. In my mind I’m thinking “Hey God, I know you say my body is a temple, but lately I’ve been treating it like a trash can.”

 THAT’S GOING TO BREAK GOD’S HEART, AND I DON’T WANT TO BREAK GOD’S HEART.

Disappointing the most important relationship in my life, blows.

I know He loves me, don’t think I’m questioning that. I’m just sad to have to go to Him and apologize for self abuse.

So if any of you guys have any advice on what to do, let me know.

I love you!

Sincerely,

Me.

19 Things I learned at 19

So my birthday is in 10 days! Hello 20’s. Apparently being in your 20’s is the best. I don’t know for sure, though, I have never been in my 20’s.

I wanted to share with you 19 things that I learned this past year.

Although I don’t know much, here’s what I do know.

1. Until God opens the next door for you, praise Him in the hallway.

– Sometimes it feels like life is on hold for a second, but that doesn’t mean He isn’t working on you. He knows what He’s doing way better than we do. Trust Him.

2. It’s okay to jump into something wholeheartedly, that may defy all logic.

– There is going to be a time when you know your heart has to do something, do it. It may confuse people, but the people that matter will stick around regardless.

3. (Piggybacking off the last sentence) The people that stick around in your life when your life is in shambles, are the people that matter. Make sure they know you love them to no end.

4. Boys are dumb.

5. Girls might be dumber.

6. That saying “You never truly fall out of love with someone, either you still are in love, or you never really loved them.” is bullshit.

– You’re allowed to grow. Wish them much love and happiness, and gtfo (sorry!) of their lives. It’s okay to cut off ties, and feelings.

7. You can’t chose your family.

– You’re stuck with the oversensitive mom, perfect at everything brother, and train wreck older cousins.

8. If a boy tells you, you aren’t (serious enough, goofy enough, worry too much, care too much, etc.)… leave.

– Your prince is on a different nobel steed. It may hurt to leave, but you don’t need to be anything but your silly, worrywart, sensitive self. You don’t owe them any explanation.

9. Growing up really is what its all cracked up to be. It also isn’t.

– It’s life, sometimes it’s raining sunshine and lollipops, sometimes we’re taking a ride on the hot-mess express.

10. Sleeping like a starfish on the bed is the most comfortable way to sleep.

11. Keep your house clean.

– I didn’t learn this until I moved out, but it’s so frustrating to come home to a mess, with only yourself to blame.

12. You can move on from a heartbreak anyway you want.

– cry, drink (be safe), date, sleep, go to the gym, eat. However you need to repair your heart is okay.

13. God made me for His amusement.

– He loves me, and He would never give me something I can’t handle WITH Him. But… The day He made me He laughed, shook his head, and put just an extra smidgin of silliness in me.

14. Episome salt cures everything.

– Cramps? But it in your bath. Rough skin? Combine with lotion and lightly scrub.

15. It’s okay to be nerdy about your passion.

16. It’s a phone not a handcuff.

– It’s okay to not answer, or step away from it.

17. Don’t live the same year 77 times and call that a life.

– Do fun things, adventurous things, relaxing things, silly things. Live.

18. Your mom isn’t your worst enemy.

– She may drive you crazy and you may question her own sanity, but she’s your mom. Love her for who she is.

19. No one knows what they’re doing.

I need a moment.

Flashback to October 17, 2014.

Technically October 18, 2014.

About 12:30am.

Picture this,

me…

crying hysterically in the dorm bathroom on the phone with my friend saying “I can’t do this anymore.”

Picture me so upset that I got sick, and allowed myself to be sick for the following three days.

I never left my dorm. I hated that place, it was a never-ending anxiety attack. I woke up sweating, I was always calling my mother.

I had no one, I couldn’t explain what was happening to me, I just sat there.

It was like I was a living, breathing body, but what made me, “me” was not there anymore.

Isn’t depression and anxiety, fun?

Gosh all those tumblr posts that romanticize depression/anxiety sure have it wrong.

Fun fact, it isn’t beautiful, it isn’t poetic, it’s scary as hell.

Living with depression is complicated and confusing. One second you’re fine, then the next the “black cloud” appears and you almost forget that there are good days.

There are good days though.

Fast forward to January 6, 2015.

I’m still in the dark place, I’m still sad.

But I have these two amazing grandparents who love me. They loved me so much, they took me to the doctor’s and made sure I was prescribed medication for depression.

A week later I got a job, then another one.

A couple of weeks later I started to notice that there were more good days than bad days.

I started to realize that life isn’t meant to be lived in a “dark cloud” it’s meant to be lived with more good days than bad.

Yeah, there are good days, and bad days, but more often than not, they are good days.

Continuing onto May 16, 2015. I move into my first apartment.

It’s cute, and tiny, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I go to sleep that night calm. I am not worried about the future, I am confident about the future.

I don’t have the same feeling as I did my first night at college. I am calm, happy, optimistic, and sure.

Present day: June 14, 2015

11:00pm

I have cosmetology school orientation tomorrow and I can’t freaking wait. All I want to do is meet new people, and make new best friends, and goof off with them, and be the person that my Creator intended for me to be.

The whole point of this post is to basically say that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It may start off as a pitch, black, scary tunnel, but there is a light.

So whether you’re in the midst of the darkness, seeing the light, or have been in the light for a while now, just know that God didn’t make us to have more bad days than good. He made us to do His work, and use our talents to honor and glorify Him.

He didn’t make us to be scared, depressed people. He loves us too much for us to be anything less than awesome, and glorifying.

I hope you enjoyed this post.

I wanted to give a special thank you to my grandparents, if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t be where I am today. I’m not sure I’d be here at all in all honesty. No combination of 26 letters could describe how much I love you, and how grateful I am to have you in my life. Thank you for never once giving up on me, and always encouraging me to follow my dreams.

Have a good night!!

I’ll tell you all about school asap!!

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The best thing ever happened today.

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Can you believe it? I completely understand if you don’t. It’s crazy to think, but such an awesome thing.

Jesus rose from the dead today.

Jesus died for your sins and three days later He came back.

It’s a crazy thing to comprehend.

But it is so

Gosh.

Darn.

Awesome.

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Just remember, never forget.

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All He wants is you. Thats why He died for you. You’re the love of His life.

The Man Upstair, and Everywhere Else

I believe in God with 100% of my heart. I also believe that at this point in my life He is getting a kick out of all the dumb things I’ve done lately.

I’m positive He’s looking down saying “I told you so Selina Jo, you’re a goofball, I love you, but you’re a goofball.”

Regardless of all that the “Man Up Stairs” is on my side. I may be completely frazzled right now and every plan I make may be up in the air but He’s got my back.

You know what they say though “if you want to make God laugh, make a plan.”

So I planned, and planned, and planned, and he laughed, and laughed, and laughed. :\

At this time last year I was going to go to a State school to be a med. student.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 😀 Jokes on me.

One semester at that school, I left, and got put on depression pills. He knew better, I didn’t. He let me figure it out for my self.

In my mind this is what God thinks while I go ahead and fail at life.

Me: *Wakes up* (usually grumpy) “Okay I am going to do it my way because I know my way is the best way.”

God: *shakes his head, but smiles* “Silly girl, you tried this yesterday”

Me: “No, God I’ve got this, I love ya but I can do it.”

God: “No, you can’t remember yesterday when you tried to do it without me and fell on your face.”

Me: “Yeah but today is a new day, let me just try.”

God: “Okay sweets, ya think you can handle it. I’m gonna go on and watch you try. You just go on ahead and see what all you can do, without my help.” *shakes his head and laughs*

*Five Minutes later*

Me: “Hi, God I messed up again.”

God: “I know. And when you try to do it all over again tomorrow, and fail, I’ll still be here.”
Me: “Thanks Pal! You’re the man!”

God: “No I created man.”

I’m sure God has humor. Heck, He created me, He has to have a humor.

I’m not sure what my point is about this post but I wanted to blog about my faith.

God’s a funny guy, He’s got your back, and will always have it.

I don’t know much, but I do know He’s always rooting for me, He loves me, and I can’t wait to meet him someday.

I’m sorry if you didn’t enjoy this post. It has nothing to do with fashion or makeup, but God is first in my life and I love to talk about him more than I love to talk about anything else.

❤ ❤ ❤

Love you!