Free Dinner

Can we all just accumulatively agree that dating sucks?

Seriously, finding the love of your life is difficult.

You know when people say something along the lines of “you gotta date some losers, so you appreciate the good one when he comes along.” Well, I’m in the loser stage. Thats not even to say that all of them were losers.

But they were.

Like, how could you not like me? I’m hilarious, charming, and charismatic. And you won’t give me the time of day. Geesh. Like I said; finding the love of your life is difficult.

I’m definitely more so in the “casual dating” part of dating. I’m not really looking for anything serious. I don’t think I’m ready for anything real serious right now.

I just want someone who wants to catch a movie, go go-cart riding, eat pasta, and maybe take a walk.

I’ve loved and gained (I refuse to count that love as a loss), and I know I will love again. However; having someone to hangout with and buy you dinner doesn’t suck.

So like I said, causally dating. It’s hard though, because I want to just casually date, but I’m also a girl and I over think things. Constantly after a first date I’m thinking, “what if he doesn’t call?” and then he doesn’t and I get sad. Then I realize… I didn’t call him either,  because I didn’t want to. So once I realize the feeling was mutual of no second date, I’m okay.

Girls are silly, we can over thing ourselves into a frenzy. Convincing ourselves he’s the love of our life because he remembered you’re allergic to olives.

I’ve had a lot of first dates that definitely don’t lead to second dates. Thats okay though. When you’re 21 and single thats how it should be.

I just don’t think my life would be as fun if the story went; She got married at 18 to the love of her life, had 10 children, and loved to garden.

Not that, that is a bad thing. It’s totally awesome if that is the case.

Just didn’t happen to me that way, so I’m stuck dating.

Or not dating. I think I might take a break from all the free dinners for a while.

I don’t think I’m really committed to finding the love of my life quite yet. Especially because I keep referring to it as “free dinner.”

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Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I’m Mine.

So I’ve been on this whole “self-seeking” journey these past few months.

I like to say that I’m dating myself.

“I’ve been single for a while now, and I must say, it’s going very well. Like it’s working out… I think I’m the one.” -Anonymous

I don’t want to date anyone else but myself for now.

That way, the only person that can break my heart is me. And I know what it felt like last time to have a broken heart so I probably won’t.

But if my heart does break again, then I only have myself to blame.

This is not to say I won’t be going on any more awful dates ever again. It just means that I don’t want to date right now.

It’s too time consuming and emotional. I am not looking for emotions at this time. I’m literally emotionally unavailable.

I’m so content at this time in my life, I am too scare to let a boy come in, cause a ruckus, mess things up, and leave.

I’m scared to love again at this point, and thats fine. I really don’t want to love. It’s overrated.

To be honest, when I look back on my past relationship I just think he put me through Hell and I called it love. Because no matter how much I thought I loved Calvin, the only thing I learned in that relationship was what love wasn’t.

  • Love isn’t tears 4/7 days a week.
  • It isn’t worrying that he overdosed on some laced form of weed if you haven’t heard from him in three days.
  • It’s not begging him to stay, because you’re afraid to be alone.
  • It isn’t torture.
  • Get it through your head. Love isn’t tragic or torture or some depressing love poem. It’s not an episode of Grey’s Anatomy or The Titanic.

However; Love is:

  • Grandma and grandpa who met when they were like 2 and never loved anyone else.
  • laughing until you cry 4/7 days a week
  • it’s arguments, but not arguments that end in him storming out, smoking a joint, then coming back higher that a kite on Mt. Kilimanjaro
  • It’s simple. And annoying. Because let’s face it, boys are aggravating, and girls are obnoxious.
  • Love isn’t Hell. We just all want love so badly we will label it whenever we get a slight chance.

So, maybe someday I will find love, or maybe someday Paul George (indian pacers basketball player) will realize I’m his soulmate. As for now though, I am to stubborn, and happy, to risk a dumb boy coming into my life and messing with my head.

PS

I really hope Paul George realizes I’m his soulmate soon. If he realized that, I would get ready for love real quick.

Okay, that’s all I’ve got to say about this icky love shizzzz.

Bye! ❤ ❤