Prayer

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You know that quote; “All I need is a little bit of coffee, and a whole lotta Jesus”?

Well, it’s false. I just need Jesus.

If I’m being honest, which I am, my prayer life is poor. I am the Christian who goes to God when I have a problem.

Corrie ten Boom asked; “is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?” Unfortunately I don’t even think prayer is my spare tire. I think it’s an old flat tire I have out in the shed somewhere covered in dust.

Then I realized that the only reason that my prayer life is bad is because I let it get this way. It isn’t like I sit down to pray and God says “hold on Selina, John Smith in Timbuktu’s issue is more important than yours, come back later.”

He’s not doing that. In fact He’s the one waiting patiently for me to come to Him and I’m the one saying “hold on God, I’m too tired, I’m too busy, I’ll pray tomorrow, come back later.”

Guess who keeps showing up to talk to me… guess who keeps giving Him excuses…a8610cc9ce77ed2866be58f8d03bec2f.jpg

I’m fixing that though. I’m 100% determined to become the woman He created me to be. I don’t know who that is yet, but I know it’s better than whatever it is that I’m trying to do.

Everything seems so small once I talk to Him.

I’m going to throw it back to Sunday School by saying this. but He really does have the whole world in His hands.

I can’t say that I have an exact step by step plan on how I’m going to fix my relationship with God, but hey welcome to the whole point of this blog. I’m just one big “I’m not sure but I’m going to try.”

I do know that I’m going to start with prayer, and that’s all I know for now.

I can guarantee you my prayers are not going to be beautiful and poetic, those types of prayers are nice but they don’t speak from my heart. Big and fancy words are also not something I’m going to be throwing in there. I think my prayers are more like a conversation with Him, which is kind of how I like it. Considering I’m determined to let God become my new best friend.

I have hope in this new journey I’m taking.

That’s all I’ve got.

If you’re still reading this babble, Thank you, I love you, and have a lovely night.

 

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Today I’m not a badass.

So I know most days I’m this fearless, outspoken, queen of Grand Rapids, but today I just can’t be.

Guys, you totally know I’m kidding.

Although I love myself, I do not have this mentality about myself.

I hope you get what I mean though. Like most days I wake up and I’m like “okay, self, lets do this”, then I cue the Beyoncé and “do this” as I wrote.

But today, today is not one of those days.

Today is a day that I missed my bed before I even left it.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotions lately and I don’t know why. Seriously, no more than 10 minutes ago I was in my bathtub crying. Why, you may ask. Well, because I’m a girl and I felt like I needed to cry, so I did.

I also have to admit that I’ve been seriously lacking in being a Godly woman these days. The feeling I have been dealing with the most lately is regret.

I know I’m a normal 20 year old girl, and many of us all deal with the same temptations, but before I’m a 20 year old girl, I am a child of God.

I know I can go to Him for anything, because He loves me, and views me as if walk on water, but I just feel bad.

Like what am I going to say, “Hey Big Guy, I know its been awhile, but (insert poor excuses here).

I know I just need to ask for forgiveness and I’ll be forgiven but let’s be honest, it’s not that easy in the mortal world.

It’s way easier to just sulk, feel bad, eat too much, cry, and pity ourselves, than tell the creator of the universe that you messed up. In my mind I’m thinking “Hey God, I know you say my body is a temple, but lately I’ve been treating it like a trash can.”

 THAT’S GOING TO BREAK GOD’S HEART, AND I DON’T WANT TO BREAK GOD’S HEART.

Disappointing the most important relationship in my life, blows.

I know He loves me, don’t think I’m questioning that. I’m just sad to have to go to Him and apologize for self abuse.

So if any of you guys have any advice on what to do, let me know.

I love you!

Sincerely,

Me.

Dear You,

“I’m not where I need to be, but thank God I’m not where I used to be.”

I wanted to talk to you guys. I don’t have anything specific to talk about though. So here is my absolutely random blog post.

Dear you,

I hope your day was well. If it wasn’t, I hope you give tomorrow a shot at being a good day.

Do you ever just feel “eh”?

That’s how I feel today. It wasn’t a bad day, not even close, but I just feel “eh”.

(that could just be my enemy, Mr. Depression talking.)

Since I was feeling “eh”, I took myself out for ice cream. Which is a big deal in my mind. Friday night date night, party of one.

I’d keep talking about my ice cream, but I want to tell you guys about school now, so I’m changing the topic.

I love school. I love being there, I love learning, I love almost dozing off to the boring video tutorials we have to watch in class. Everything about the cosmetology craft is amazing to me.

My favorite things to do are mens cutting and blow-dries. Mens cutting is such an art. and Blow drying is the finishing touch to a beautiful new look.

I just love it.

When my ex jumped on a plane, moved to Colorado, and texted me that he didn’t love me anymore. I feel in love with myself. I didn’t really realize that I had put so much effort into loving him that I lost myself in the process.

It took me losing him to find myself.

You know who I also found again? God. Not that I ever lost him. You really can’t lose something when it’s everywhere you look, but I found God again for myself, intimately. How quick do we forget how awesome it is to have God on speed dial.

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He rocks.

You rock.

That’s all she wrote.

Love you.

I’m sad today.

today was one of my bad days.

I lowercased all of that because thats my mood right now, lowercase, sad, gloomy, uninspired.

I think I’ve mentioned before that I have depression. If I haven’t mentioned it then I will now. I have depression.

I have good days and bad days. I’m on medication and I do have more good days then bad days now, but today is a bad day.

My ratio of bad days are like 1:30 days a month. So only really one bad day every once in a while.

But unfortunately today is that day.

And what sucks the most is I knew it was going to happen, I sensed it last night before I went to bed. I felt the black dog coming closer to me. (I like to describe depression as a scary black dangerous dog.)

I tried everything too.

I went to church.

I got coffee.

I did my hair.

I looked cute.

I played with makeup.

Nothing.

So here I am, blogging. And it’s kind of helping. I feel like I’m actually talking to a friend. You guys are my friends by the way. All 51 of you are the bomb. Thanks for being my friend, all by choice.

But I did make a video today and I wanted to share it with you!

Here is the link!

PRODUCTS I REGRET BUYING

I don’t have a professional camera, and whatnot so don’t judge the quality.

Actually, don’t judge in general. It’s rude and nothing but heartbreaking for the person who is being judged.

I took this from tumblr:

Do you think God ever gets sad? Like, “What do you mean, you don’t love yourself? I worked so hard on you….”

I think He does. I know He worked on me and I am His, but I think He also knows that I can’t help this feeling right now.

I’m learning to love myself. Just not today.

The best thing ever happened today.

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Can you believe it? I completely understand if you don’t. It’s crazy to think, but such an awesome thing.

Jesus rose from the dead today.

Jesus died for your sins and three days later He came back.

It’s a crazy thing to comprehend.

But it is so

Gosh.

Darn.

Awesome.

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Just remember, never forget.

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All He wants is you. Thats why He died for you. You’re the love of His life.

The Man Upstair, and Everywhere Else

I believe in God with 100% of my heart. I also believe that at this point in my life He is getting a kick out of all the dumb things I’ve done lately.

I’m positive He’s looking down saying “I told you so Selina Jo, you’re a goofball, I love you, but you’re a goofball.”

Regardless of all that the “Man Up Stairs” is on my side. I may be completely frazzled right now and every plan I make may be up in the air but He’s got my back.

You know what they say though “if you want to make God laugh, make a plan.”

So I planned, and planned, and planned, and he laughed, and laughed, and laughed. :\

At this time last year I was going to go to a State school to be a med. student.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 😀 Jokes on me.

One semester at that school, I left, and got put on depression pills. He knew better, I didn’t. He let me figure it out for my self.

In my mind this is what God thinks while I go ahead and fail at life.

Me: *Wakes up* (usually grumpy) “Okay I am going to do it my way because I know my way is the best way.”

God: *shakes his head, but smiles* “Silly girl, you tried this yesterday”

Me: “No, God I’ve got this, I love ya but I can do it.”

God: “No, you can’t remember yesterday when you tried to do it without me and fell on your face.”

Me: “Yeah but today is a new day, let me just try.”

God: “Okay sweets, ya think you can handle it. I’m gonna go on and watch you try. You just go on ahead and see what all you can do, without my help.” *shakes his head and laughs*

*Five Minutes later*

Me: “Hi, God I messed up again.”

God: “I know. And when you try to do it all over again tomorrow, and fail, I’ll still be here.”
Me: “Thanks Pal! You’re the man!”

God: “No I created man.”

I’m sure God has humor. Heck, He created me, He has to have a humor.

I’m not sure what my point is about this post but I wanted to blog about my faith.

God’s a funny guy, He’s got your back, and will always have it.

I don’t know much, but I do know He’s always rooting for me, He loves me, and I can’t wait to meet him someday.

I’m sorry if you didn’t enjoy this post. It has nothing to do with fashion or makeup, but God is first in my life and I love to talk about him more than I love to talk about anything else.

❤ ❤ ❤

Love you!