One Week Later

It’s been a sad week, guys.

It’s been a great week, guys.

Yes, I cried my fair share of tears this week. They’re justified tears though. Although I’m a firm believer that tears never need to be justified. If you need to cry, then you cry, honey.

Anyways, my tears were for my grandma. When you lose one of the main people in your circle, it would be bizarre not to mourn them.

But, it has been a great week nonetheless.

First off, I made a friend. A real one! One that has a physical form, and can converse back with me. I know, guys! I’m shocked too. Seriously, I got invited to a party this weekend. It’s a legit friendship. I’ve known this friend for a while, but we just decided to actually start hanging out.

I also start working full time next week, I thought I was going to start in June! So that was a pleasant surprise. I’m thankful.

How good can life get right now, guys?

Of course I miss my grandma. I’m still at the stage where I’m forgetting she’s gone. I even told myself I was going to go visit her tomorrow. I forgot I couldn’t.

I’m always going to miss my grandma, she was wonderful, I wish you could’ve met her too.

I know she’s not going to see this, but I just had to let her know that I’m okay.

Life isn’t going to be the same without her.

But life is great because I had her.

I love you, grandma.

Everybody misses you, but everybody’s fine.

Free Dinner

Can we all just accumulatively agree that dating sucks?

Seriously, finding the love of your life is difficult.

You know when people say something along the lines of “you gotta date some losers, so you appreciate the good one when he comes along.” Well, I’m in the loser stage. Thats not even to say that all of them were losers.

But they were.

Like, how could you not like me? I’m hilarious, charming, and charismatic. And you won’t give me the time of day. Geesh. Like I said; finding the love of your life is difficult.

I’m definitely more so in the “casual dating” part of dating. I’m not really looking for anything serious. I don’t think I’m ready for anything real serious right now.

I just want someone who wants to catch a movie, go go-cart riding, eat pasta, and maybe take a walk.

I’ve loved and gained (I refuse to count that love as a loss), and I know I will love again. However; having someone to hangout with and buy you dinner doesn’t suck.

So like I said, causally dating. It’s hard though, because I want to just casually date, but I’m also a girl and I over think things. Constantly after a first date I’m thinking, “what if he doesn’t call?” and then he doesn’t and I get sad. Then I realize… I didn’t call him either,  because I didn’t want to. So once I realize the feeling was mutual of no second date, I’m okay.

Girls are silly, we can over thing ourselves into a frenzy. Convincing ourselves he’s the love of our life because he remembered you’re allergic to olives.

I’ve had a lot of first dates that definitely don’t lead to second dates. Thats okay though. When you’re 21 and single thats how it should be.

I just don’t think my life would be as fun if the story went; She got married at 18 to the love of her life, had 10 children, and loved to garden.

Not that, that is a bad thing. It’s totally awesome if that is the case.

Just didn’t happen to me that way, so I’m stuck dating.

Or not dating. I think I might take a break from all the free dinners for a while.

I don’t think I’m really committed to finding the love of my life quite yet. Especially because I keep referring to it as “free dinner.”

This is for me

“I forgive you. Not for you, but for me. Because like chains shackling me to the past I will no longer pollute my heart with bitterness, fear, distrust, or anger. I forgive you because hate is just another way of holding on, and you don’t belong here anymore”

-Beau Taplin

On and off for five years. But now it’s done. My heart is calm, and relaxed, I’m thankful, and I’m optimistic.

I’m not thankful in a “I’m glad he’s gone, he was the scum of the earth, good riddance,” type of way. More so a “I can’t do this up and down emotional rollercoaster, I know it has to end, I love you…goodbye” type of way.

It’s not that we didn’t love one another, it’s that we didn’t love one another the way someone deserved to be loved. It was too unsure, and so we had to say goodbye.

This post isn’t really for any reason, it’s more so for my heart. So I can get the words I need to say out in the open.

I loved him. I loved him with my whole heart. But overtime the things he did to my heart took a toll. People always said “you get to a point where you’ve had enough.” I never thought I’d get to that point though. But one day as he was belittling me on the phone telling me how horrible I was something clicked. Honestly, when I say something clicked I mean, something seriously went “click” in my head. I sat there and thought “why the heck am I letting this guy take one more second of my time” and I hung up, and we never talked again. Five years gone, just like that.

I was going to write “I guess that’s when I realized he wasn’t as amazing as I thought he was,” but that’s incorrect. I’m not bitter, and I’m not going to disrespect him like that. For five years I thought he was that amazing.

I do think I’m ready to date again, and that makes me excited. The past doesn’t interest me anymore.

I really loved him, I’ll never deny the fact that He was my favorite person for a very long time.  But often loving him was hard. It was tiring. It was it was lonely. I’m excited to find someone who reminds me that love is hard, but not that hard.

 

Dear Him,

I loved you. You gave me some of the happiest memories of my teenage years. Thank you. Thank you for loving me the only way you knew how. I loved you from the moment I saw you at 15 years old, and I continued to love you until I was 21. Thank you for helping me grow into the person I am today.

I wish you so much joy in life. I hope you follow your dreams, and that you wake up every day knowing you have a purpose here on this earth. You’re worthy, you’re lovely, and you’re wonderful.

Thank you for showing me what love is, and what love isn’t. Thank you, thank you so much for everything, from the first time we said “hello” to the last time we said “goodbye.” Thank you for the memories.

I loved you, and thank you for loving me for the time that you did.

 

Love,

me.

 

Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I’m Mine.

So I’ve been on this whole “self-seeking” journey these past few months.

I like to say that I’m dating myself.

“I’ve been single for a while now, and I must say, it’s going very well. Like it’s working out… I think I’m the one.” -Anonymous

I don’t want to date anyone else but myself for now.

That way, the only person that can break my heart is me. And I know what it felt like last time to have a broken heart so I probably won’t.

But if my heart does break again, then I only have myself to blame.

This is not to say I won’t be going on any more awful dates ever again. It just means that I don’t want to date right now.

It’s too time consuming and emotional. I am not looking for emotions at this time. I’m literally emotionally unavailable.

I’m so content at this time in my life, I am too scare to let a boy come in, cause a ruckus, mess things up, and leave.

I’m scared to love again at this point, and thats fine. I really don’t want to love. It’s overrated.

To be honest, when I look back on my past relationship I just think he put me through Hell and I called it love. Because no matter how much I thought I loved Calvin, the only thing I learned in that relationship was what love wasn’t.

  • Love isn’t tears 4/7 days a week.
  • It isn’t worrying that he overdosed on some laced form of weed if you haven’t heard from him in three days.
  • It’s not begging him to stay, because you’re afraid to be alone.
  • It isn’t torture.
  • Get it through your head. Love isn’t tragic or torture or some depressing love poem. It’s not an episode of Grey’s Anatomy or The Titanic.

However; Love is:

  • Grandma and grandpa who met when they were like 2 and never loved anyone else.
  • laughing until you cry 4/7 days a week
  • it’s arguments, but not arguments that end in him storming out, smoking a joint, then coming back higher that a kite on Mt. Kilimanjaro
  • It’s simple. And annoying. Because let’s face it, boys are aggravating, and girls are obnoxious.
  • Love isn’t Hell. We just all want love so badly we will label it whenever we get a slight chance.

So, maybe someday I will find love, or maybe someday Paul George (indian pacers basketball player) will realize I’m his soulmate. As for now though, I am to stubborn, and happy, to risk a dumb boy coming into my life and messing with my head.

PS

I really hope Paul George realizes I’m his soulmate soon. If he realized that, I would get ready for love real quick.

Okay, that’s all I’ve got to say about this icky love shizzzz.

Bye! ❤ ❤

Ready for spring.

Okay, who else is ready for spring? I don’t know where you guys live, but I live in Michigan and its blistering cold out.

I love living here though, I live about a mile from lake Michigan and the view of the lake never gets old. The cold does though.

I’m staying at my great grandmas house for the next two weeks, and she doesn’t have WiFi. I’ll try to blog as much as possible.

Right now I’m sitting in Tim Hortons, drinking my over priced caramel latte (three dollars for something that lasts 15 minutes makes me sad). I felt bad not buying something and using their WiFi though.

Anyways, let’s get to the point of this post. I’m really excited to show you guys this outfit. It’s very fun, and is what made me want spring very badly.

I’ll take spring, but this outfit is also perfect for a cruise, so if any of you guys feel like sending me on a nice Mediterranean cruise, do not hesitate. 😛

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It’s a jumpsuit! It’s fun, its bold, it’s nothing I’d normally wear, but I’m head over heals for this outfit.

I got this outfit from Cato Fashions, which is beyond affordable. I got this jumpsuit for $34.99. If you think about it though, that’s extremely affordable, because you’re getting the shirt & pants. It’s so exciting!

Can you tell how much I love this outfit?! I actually think it’s more than love. Whatever that is.

Anyways –

Cato Fashions – Jumpsuit – I do suggest going a size or two bigger than what you normally wear.

ONLY if you have big backside. My butt makes Texas look small, so I went up two sizes, because I didn’t want the jumpsuit fitting every curve, I wanted it to flow and be loose.

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My jean jacket is from goodwill, you can get one similar online from Charlotte Russe

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I hope you guys enjoy this! I also hope it inspires you to be bold and have fun with your wardrobe. After all fashion is about having fun and expressing yourself.

I love you! Have a beautiful Thursday!

Talk to you Soon ❤ ❤ ❤

Hi, Loves.

Hi friends,

So in all honesty, I have nothing profound to blog about. I haven’t worn anything super cute, and I haven’t been loving my makeup these past couple of days.

So I decided to list completely random things that I have bought lately.

I hope you enjoy it!

  1. Smashbox Primers – their primers are very creamy, and a little goes a long way
  2. Bath & Body Works Forever Red Body Cream – I love the smell I swear it lasts all day, and they usually have some sort of sale.
  3. Spaghetti Squash – It’s better than pasta, cooks in the same amount of time, and much better for you. If you want to know some recipes let me know.
  4. The Body Shop Tea Tree Skin Care Kit – Screen Shot 2015-02-10 at 8.35.57 PM  Stop reading this post, get in your car, drive to Ulta, and go buy this product I got the full sized set for only $25.00. It feels intense on your skin, but I swear it’s extremely gentle. Seriously my favorite product of all time.
  5. Too Faced Melted Liquified Long Wear Lipstick – any shade, every shade, they’re beautiful.
  6. Kale.

Thanks for reading! I love you guys!

The loves of my life

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(From left to right)

Meet Leo, Al, and Zurg (Zurg died in May, but I wanted to post him anyway.)

These are the loves of my lives. I will probably be posting about them often because they’re adorable and the rest of the world should see their cuteness too.

Leo is about three years old now (in this photo he was four weeks old), Leo is a goofball, and obsessed with fetch. You never see him without a tennis ball. If you do, it probably is because he wants to be held.

Al is my soulmate. He is six years old, and lazy. The exact opposite of Leo. He loves to cuddle, lay, and sleep. Which is why he is my soulmate. Al is also a diva (like me) and demands attention at all times.

Zurg was my dog that I had ever since I was four. He died at thirteen years old. Zurg was the grumpiest, smelliest dog you’d ever meet. He was ours though, regardless of his attitude and smell. RIP little buddy.

I’ll post about them often, because like I said, they’re the loves of my life.