Free Dinner

Can we all just accumulatively agree that dating sucks?

Seriously, finding the love of your life is difficult.

You know when people say something along the lines of “you gotta date some losers, so you appreciate the good one when he comes along.” Well, I’m in the loser stage. Thats not even to say that all of them were losers.

But they were.

Like, how could you not like me? I’m hilarious, charming, and charismatic. And you won’t give me the time of day. Geesh. Like I said; finding the love of your life is difficult.

I’m definitely more so in the “casual dating” part of dating. I’m not really looking for anything serious. I don’t think I’m ready for anything real serious right now.

I just want someone who wants to catch a movie, go go-cart riding, eat pasta, and maybe take a walk.

I’ve loved and gained (I refuse to count that love as a loss), and I know I will love again. However; having someone to hangout with and buy you dinner doesn’t suck.

So like I said, causally dating. It’s hard though, because I want to just casually date, but I’m also a girl and I over think things. Constantly after a first date I’m thinking, “what if he doesn’t call?” and then he doesn’t and I get sad. Then I realize… I didn’t call him either,  because I didn’t want to. So once I realize the feeling was mutual of no second date, I’m okay.

Girls are silly, we can over thing ourselves into a frenzy. Convincing ourselves he’s the love of our life because he remembered you’re allergic to olives.

I’ve had a lot of first dates that definitely don’t lead to second dates. Thats okay though. When you’re 21 and single thats how it should be.

I just don’t think my life would be as fun if the story went; She got married at 18 to the love of her life, had 10 children, and loved to garden.

Not that, that is a bad thing. It’s totally awesome if that is the case.

Just didn’t happen to me that way, so I’m stuck dating.

Or not dating. I think I might take a break from all the free dinners for a while.

I don’t think I’m really committed to finding the love of my life quite yet. Especially because I keep referring to it as “free dinner.”


I’m… Good.

This is not how I ever pictured a breakup going.

I pictured more tears, long nights, over thinking at two in the morning, pints of ice cream, and feeling like I couldn’t go on.

However; that’s not my case.


Yes, there have been tears. But they fall for a few minutes, and then I’m okay. I’m not going to block my feelings and my emotions. I’m determined to be over him. I know to just feel my emotions when I feel them. Its the correct way to deal with something.

There have been zero long nights, and unless I’m out with my friends, having a good time, I’m not up at two in the morning.

Also, there has been no ice cream, I don’t care for ice cream.

So much has already gone on in my life since that day… I feel like him and I happened a lifetime ago.

But today I received a text from someone him and I mutually know, saying they would return all my things to me… and I had a panic attack. I called my mom, pulled over on the side of the road, crying, couldn’t think straight, a full on panic attack.

I responded to the message by saying, “I don’t want them anymore. I’m doing well mentally, and you sending me things would be taking steps backwards. Please just throw everything away.”

That person and I talked for a few more minutes and that was that.


I’ve calmed down now. I called a few people, I cooked a few things (I’m having thanksgiving at my house this year), I’ve listened to Christmas music. I’m good again, so please don’t worry.

I’ve done very well in being okay without him. I’m proud of myself, and I’m learning to enjoy things I didn’t know I liked doing.

I’m doing so good in life right now. I’m happy, I’m having fun, I’m doing more things. Life is going how its supposed to be going.

I’m… I’m doing just fine.